Fresh Figurative Language

      

   When we use figurative language—like simile or metaphor or personification—we are using the English language in a whole new way. Language becomes plain and stale sometimes—that’s where figurative language comes in.

   Instead of saying the snow is in your face, why not say the snow is slapping you in the face? It’s accurate if the wind is actually blowing the snow so hard into your face, that it hurts. Sounds fresh, doesn’t it?

   But figurative language isn’t interesting when it becomes a cliché. A crude example: It’s hot as balls out here. Or, it's cold as ball out here. Also, it’s hot as hell, or it’s hot as fuck (what is even a fuck?). Even in one instance, I heard that it’s cold as hell out. Really? Balls are both hot and cold, and it’s both cold and hot in hell? I didn’t realize this. People who say these things are striving for emphasis, but it’s not as strong as using fresh language.

   Try something that makes people think, and it has to be original, and it could even be funny. If the reader doesn’t have to think about the figurative language, then it’s probably a cliché, and it won’t be fresh in the mind. But if the reader has to think about the figurative language too much, then the reader may not understand it, which may mean that, although it’s original, it doesn’t fully make sense. 

   If it’s hot outside, a guy could say, “Man, it’s hot as that hot girl out here,” or, “Man, it’s hotter out here than all these hot girls out here combined.” The friend, seeing the visual of hotness coupled with feeling hot, may reply, “You’re right, it is hot out here. And damn, they’re hot.” Or the friend might just say, “Dude, she isn’t that hot, which means it’s not that hot out here.” But realize, a phrase like this is original, funny, and makes the person think (are these girls actually hot, and if so, as hot as it is outside?), which is exactly what you want. 

Conversely, one could say the same thing when it’s cold out. When the friend says, “But dude, it’s cold out,” the person will reply, “Exactly,” meaning that the girl isn’t hot at all. If it’s cold out, a guy (albeit possibly bitter) could say, “It’s cold out here as a bitch’s heart.” If the person really is a cold person, and if it is really cold outside, it’s at least accurate, and it’s still fresh and makes the listener think (is that person’s heart cold, and if so, as cold as it is outside?).

   With the clichéd phrase, “It’s cold as hell out” or “It’s hot as hell out,” it doesn’t make the person think because it’s been said already way too much. And with a phrase like, “It’s a sun out here” or “It’s an icicle out here,” may cause the person to think too much and not understand it, consequently asking, “What?”

   Songs use figurative language all the time, but they are usually very clichéd or don’t make sense. One song has the lyric, “Like a drum my heart never stops beating.” But the problem is: Drums stop beating. Who is going to be pounding the same drum for a whole person’s life? Perhaps the writer meant that the heart beats like the sound of a drum. The fact that I’m trying to understand it shows that the analogy doesn’t make sense.

   So, remember, if you are going to use figurative language, make it fresh and possibly funny, and if it makes the person think a bit, all the better.